Depressed

I don't know what it was this time.
After chiro I came home.
Ate.
A little too much, but nothing I wasn't OK with.
Did my totals.
Went online.
Started to homework...
And felt like... nothing I do matters.

Honestly, right now, I feel like I'm an idiot. I don't GET anything. I'm slow. I can't understand because I'm too dumb. I feel like purging. Starting over. I feel like carving - I have another pin with me right now.

I wish I could tell her why I am so devoted to her recovery, why I've been showering her with gifts and complimenting her. But I can't. Because I've lied to everyone else.

I'm such an idiot.
So, I'm going to bed.
Without exercise.
Without... caring.

I wish someone got it.
What a bad night.