Crushed under the wheel...

A classmate died of cancer today. I just... does it make me want to live? What does it make me think of?

Pain.

I feel numb, unable to process it. She dies... she doesn't need to die, she didn't... people with cancer don't choose it. Her I am being a selfish bitch, trying to starve myself into... into being something that I don't even know how to describe. I don't know why I'm doing this, I really don't. It's slow-painful suicide, and I know that. I know it. I could... I am choosing death. I am. And she... she didn't want death. She just wanted to live as long as could.

I'm fucking worthless, such a fucking bitch. I don't know what I'm going to do.