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Wearing his scarf again, him and Blondie are getting close. Yeah, riddled with jealousy for a few moments. It's pretty pathetic.

I am so fascinated with the magic.

So much work. But I slept last night, it made me feel so much more alive today. I am going to sleep tonight. It'll happen. It's gotta.

Still don't have a present for tomorrow, but I'll tape tomorrow.

I'm feeling very self-concious right now. Something is wrong. Hair, skin, body. I am scared I'm going to lapse into another fad diet. Or just stop eating. Gotta remember the play. Can't do it before the play.

Something is different with me this year. I feel depressed - not sad, but disinterested. Not valuable. I am involved in all this shit and I was wondering, why? Why can't I say no?! I realized it was because I don't feel I am not worth anything decent to anyone. I have to prove myself to... myself? Justify my own existence. Odd epiphany. My work ethic is gone and it sucks.

after Alice, I am going to take a long, long walk in Fish Creek. Take some pictures. Just think. I need it. I haven't had time to be in my own mind. I think I'll tell him this. I trust him, because I know I'll never hear it again, not because I'm not weirded out by him knowing.

Just gotta go with the flow, I guess. 12 days.