Hypocritical

That's what I am. My friends, my guy friends, are dieting. They don't need to. They're cute already, they don't need to lose weight at all. It's got me thinking about my motives again. It's hard to explain because I know there are two sets of reasons.

I had a bad eating day today - fries and grilled asaparagus & feta cheese pizza. It could have been worse though. I've been keeping close track of intake and actual exercise tho, and I've been doing well. Healthy, I guess. Which, right now, is okay. When I get in the mindset... that won't be good enough. I can hear it in the pack of my mind right now - that mentality, but it's quiet and easy to ignore.

Also, the whole thing with the friendly sex was a joke, apparently. Which is kindof sad, but whatever. Apparently I'm up for nomination on grad date though - which would make me so happy. I hate that I can't be the ideal for anyone. His is short and blonde. That's what he likes. Well, shit. Tall, brown.

I know why I don't have a boyfriend - it's cause I hang around with guys. Among other things...

But I can't stop that. I don't have any close girlfriends. Fuck.

I'm having problems resting. I sleep. I sleep for HOURS. But I don't rest. My mind is going crazy.

School starts soon, and I am ready for it mentally, but not actually physically as far as having my readings done and everything ready. But that's alright. I want to apply for a job too - I need money so bad. I'd work at Starbucks, the Oldfolks home, Winners, Reitmans, Chapters...job hunting would be a good thing. I kind of want to stay away from food establishments, but at the same time I find myself resisting most at those. We'll see. There's a Jugo Juice going up too, and I'd so work there.

Had an okay day, I think.