Jamaican blogpost

It took a while to get used to the idea that I’m actually here – in Jamaica. Something felt too homey, I was already ready to go home the moment I got here, because I felt at home. My problems followed me…. fights, school anxiety, my hate…my body image followed too… but was about 2 days behind. I over-ate deserts and stuff but didn’t really care. It caught up with me. I’ve been drinking a TON of water to counteract the virgin (and non-virgin…mmmm) pinia coladas and strawberry daiquiris.

The first 2 days I didn’t really care about what I ate… Now I am starting to. Half of my plate is fruit and veggies at all meals, fish/chicken – no steak, no cheese, no milk, yogurt at breakfast, eggs, avoiding pasta. Oh, and no fruit juice – it’s all sugar. For deserts, one plate only. Slice of cheesecake, or chocolate mouse. I can’t fast here… that’s silly.

The gym is nice, went snorkling, rowing… swimming. Didn’t burn a lot, but being in the sun and drinking ice water today helped a little. I will gain weight again, but the parents are planning on doing a “cleanse”, so low-cal, fat-free foods will flood in and I can be on the cleanse too…lets just say it’ll be easy to get by.

It’s very sad that this is all I can talk about right now.

Jamaica is beautiful, now that I have become accustomed to it. I’m realising. My other worries and fears slipping away to oblivion as I realise… hell, I’m IN THE CARIBEEAN. I’ve wanted to be here forever. I love it. I can do ANYTHING I want, all day.

My parents are trying to make me socialise with the other tourists…. but I’m here to relax, right? I’m an introvert by nature, imagine that. Shy, quiet, and I prefer being ALONE to being with people and talking and starting conversation. So… to truly relax, I lapse into my true nature. Solidarity. So, they can deal.

I don’t feel good writing this, in my hotel room, on day 3 of Jamaica trip. I feel like a failure to myself because I let this follow me. But it’s here now, so what can I do?

I’m enjoying myself, now especially that I’ve tanned a bit - it makes me look slimmer. :D I have abs now too, it’s great.

I don’t know how to end this post… its kindof how I feel now, actually. It’s like I know in 3 days I’m leaving and going back to Calgary – where it’s cold, where my mirror proclaims what I’m working for, where my friends are fighting, where school and grades and teachers are constant. But… I’m okay with that.

Tunnel vision –one end is just the past…. including the first 2 days, the last hours, minutes…. and the other is back home, emotionally and physically- and I’m somewhere in the middle.