Catch Up

I'm at a really weird stage right now, I feel happy, stressed, relieved, annoyed and depressed at the SAME TIME. Well, it kinda sucks, but I'm happy enough for it to be counteracted.

Here's how the weekend went: Friday night - rehearsal, then Party. Which was fun. Saturday night- Party, which was absofreakingamazing. Hung out, yelled, made dirty jokes. Good times. Sunday - homework.

Today has been really weird for a few reasons. One, I slept last night so the day had a whole new outlook. Two, He was acting odd. Three, I was kind of productive. And lastly, because I realised it's 7 days till opening.

He made me freaking swoon today, it was so bad. God, this is pathetic. He hugged me, lifted me off the ground!, this morning (after scarring me) and started poking me when he got the chance. And he whipped out his guitar and played a song for me (didn't sing the words, "too shy"). He's so talented. Then he freaking finally shows me a magic trick - HOLY SHIT was it crazy.

The day itself was very productive - watching Macbeth in English, painting in Tech. Which was good, I was stressing all weekend about not getting shit done - but we seem to be on the right track. The "tears" look amazing.

Lunch time was kinda cute too, he pointed out that I was brooding. He said he didn't want to hear my problems, but that he wanted to be there for me, (loling all the way). I pointed out his flaw in logic and he didn't pursue it.

Multimedia was fine actually, got what I needed to do done in due time. Thinking for my audio-visual, I want to do a music video and a book reading - but Blondie wants to work together. Eeehhh, we'll see. I want to do something moderately intelligent, but fun at the same time.

Bio - I have a test tomorrow and I think I'll do okay. I'm worried though, cause I got such a high mark on my last test and this one is supposed to be easier - I suppose I should be studying. Cycling of matter, biomes, ecosystems -all fascinating. Bad thing about that class is my partner in the unit project defs didn't show up with our poster. Ugh. Stressing a bit about that one.

After school, damn actors didn't show up for rehearsal. Talked with Mr. P a little. Then I was getting ready to leave and guess who shows up? Yeah, can't say I wasn't glad to see him again. Anyways, we made small talk, made him promise to show me more magic, and then when he was leaving he gave me an airkiss on the head and walked off. Yeah. Boys are so damn confusing.

Beyond all that, my mind cycles are always in my head:
I should do homework.
Procastonate.
Too late to do homework.
Can't sleep.
Stressing about homework.
Going to fail school.
Going to fail at life.
Going to fail.
No value.
Have to work.
What's the point?
Going to fail anyways.
Fail worse if you don't try.
I should do homework.

or

I should work on my script.
Oh my god, one week.
I'm a shit stage manager.
So much left to do.
This show is going to fail.
My fault.
Failure.
No value.
No wonder no one likes me.
I'm such an ugly person.
Such a bad friend.
Such a bad Stage Manager.
I should work on my script.

A response poem I wrote, about time:
Time is not fair --
Why lie to those who suffer right now --
We all shall pass --
Why expect sun? --
Because time does not give –

Scarf is still there. Why do I even bother with this shit? I was happy. Now, I realise why. And I realise it's just pathetic. Yay.